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The answer lies in breaking the emotional ties that keep you bound to these old habits, as outlined in the article below.
My ex and I had a fairly amicable divorce and we have managed to move out of each other's lives albeit for the children. In reading the book, Leaving Him Behind by Sandra Kahn, she mentioned something that set off a light for me.
Obviously the less you have to do with your ex after divorce the better.
That is not to say that you cannot have a relationship with your ex, but it has to be radically different from the one you had while married.
There are those women who cannot have their ex in their lives for any reason other than the children.
Their emotional ties to their ex are still strong and they need to isolate themselves in order to break those ties.
Acceptance allows you to live in a way that reveals a freedom from the past. These rules are there to protect you from any further hurts or upsets.