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This control is attractive at first, but soon becomes controlling or abusive” says Desloover.“As women grow more confident and emotionally healthy in recovery, their self-esteem and confidence improves, and they begin to actually like themselves.“If they start dating too soon, they are likely to choose someone who is emotionally less mature, as they themselves are, than if they waited a year.” People tend to choose partners who are at their same emotional maturity level.It would follow then, that recovering individuals would choose differently after working on themselves first.“It is commonly recommended in the recovery community to avoid romantic relationships for the first year, because most of us are just beginning to get to know ourselves and to define our values,” Desloover says.“We have to learn to love ourselves before we can love someone else.” People in recovery might choose to date a very different type of person when they first quit using as compared to when they have achieved a year of sobriety, observes Desloover.
In most cases, individuals who can’t refrain from having a relationship in the first year of recovery are missing an opportunity to address the core issues underlying their addictions.
The dissatisfaction they feel in their relationships is often the stressor that led to their drug abuse in the first place.
“Women in early recovery often choose abusive men because they seem in control, while the women feel out of control in their own lives.
Desloover also advises newly recovering women to attend women-only 12-Step meetings during that first year.
By working your program, you will discover who you are and what you can bring to your relationships, rather than what you can get from them.
When people stop using and start dating right away, they run the risk of seeking comfort in relationships instead of drugs.