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They may believe they are being cryptic on purpose, but sometimes thinking something is on purpose is to cover over the fact that they can't help themselves from doing it, which in turn can be concealing the fact that they really are motivated to be cryptic, without clearly knowing their motivations. We dissect others with the cold scalpel of raw intellect, feeling justified because we are right, or trying to help.
People who are razor-sharp and calculating, surrounding others with apparent hyperawareness, can be intimidating without meaning to be, just as people who are very attractive can be.
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It is better to master one mountain than a thousand foothills." —William Arthur Ward Hearing others tell us that they find us intimidating when we don't experience ourselves that way is an unsettling, self-alienating experience. Intimidation has public and private faces, mirroring the internal divisions that threat creates within our own minds.
They may really want to be intimidating, a different beast entirely from those who are intimidating without meaning to or realizing it.
When people are inadvertently intimidating and have ambivalent feelings about the feedback they get, it is a more interesting situation to think about than when people are singularly being bullies, because inadvertent intimidation, the subject of the rest of this piece, suggests an unrecognized division within oneself, a Dr.
Jekyll and Mr./Ms Hyde doubling driven by mutual unrecognition. For example, research (Bolino and Turnley, 2003) found that managers rated female employees as less likable when the ladies were perceived as intimidating, but for the gentlemen, intimidation did not influence likeability.
Not only that, but male employees who used intimidation were also deemed better performers, an effect not enjoyed by women.